Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Come on in and take your pants off
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
