The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
