I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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