we have officially mastered the walk of shame
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
