I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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