My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
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I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
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It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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