i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
