The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
