Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Randomize
