It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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