i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
