I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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