in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
