My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
