I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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