proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
