i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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