Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
