You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
