Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
