the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
