were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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