remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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