All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
