Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
