So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
