i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
