You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
