I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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