I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
