Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
as a side note pls kill me
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
