and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
