Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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