you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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