I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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