I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
