I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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