The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
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I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
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It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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