Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
