The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
