Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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