How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
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