awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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