Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
