but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Soap is not a condiment
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
