The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
