I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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