Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
