sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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