i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
