I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
