She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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