Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Found the puke drawer
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Randomize
