That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
