guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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