He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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