Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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