Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize