look no pants
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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