He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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